Paramedic school was something I knew I wanted for awhile by the time I spoke with my teacher about where he went to school. He said the school he attended had a great program and recommended I apply. I spoke with other medics and they said the same thing. The only problem was the school was 2 hours from where I lived and I would have class 3 days a week and clinicals besides. Could I handle this? Could I drive that many hours a week and be away from my kids and husband? I spent many nights awake wondering if we were making the right decision. And of course I had naysayers.
Why is it that there are always people trying to tear others down? There have always been people who think they know what is good for me and my family more than I do-and it has always bothered me. I couldn't help wondering if all those negative Nellies were right. I thought, "maybe I'm too old, maybe I'm too weak, maybe my kids will feel as if I abandoned them if I spend some nights away from home." The thing is, I had prayed about this. You don't know me well enough yet to know that I have a strong faith in God. I believe that He has a plan for everyone, but I also believe we must be part of our own rescues. There is a reason He gave me the passion for this. He didn't put me on earth to lie on a beach and drink margaritas (not that there's not a time and place for that) but He put me here to fulfill a purpose-to help other people and show them His love. Even though I had prayed about this, there were still people who criticized. I even had one lady ask my kids (in front of me) if they were going to have to cook their own meals while mom was in school. This infuriated me even more than it probably should have, but it really should have infuriated my husband. Did she not think he was capable of cooking a few meals? I'll get more in to double standards for men and women later, but the point is it made me question my decisions. My questioning was soon halted one day though when I got a fortune cookie that read, "To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing." Some people credit this to Aristotle and others to a writer named Elbert Hubbard, but whoever said it was right. Now, I am by no means saying that one should decide their future based on a fortune cookie. My faith was apparently weak that it took that to put my mind at ease about my decision. However, there is so much truth in that statement. The only way I can avoid being criticized is to do absolutely nothing. That's the only way any of us can avoid criticism. What a life lesson to learn in your 30s. I am sure that I'll have to learn it again, in fact just writing this makes me remember that I should think less about what other people think. Human logic is sometimes flawed. We don't always know the whole story before we judge what others are doing. I have probably done this to other people more times than I care to admit, and more likely several times when I don't even know I have done it. So I decided that even though some would criticize, I was ready to take on paramedic school along with all the challenges it would bring. I had no idea though that in the next year I would learn so much more than just textbook facts and algorithms. I would make friends who would stand beside me through thick and thin. I would change-for the better I hope- by gaining confidence I never thought possible.
1 Samuel 16:7b
"The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."
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