Human psychology has always interested me. I enjoy learning about why people say and do the things we do. All I really know about it though is that it is so much more complicated than I can begin to comprehend. There are doctors who have studied it extensively and most of them only have theories. Nonetheless, people intrigue me. I am amazed at how strong some people are, and also at how vulnerable and the same we really all are when outside influences are stripped away. It never ceases to amaze me to learn what people can handle. When I meet a woman who has taken care of her cancer-stricken husband for months on end and still has her sanity, I am amazed. When I meet a mom and dad whose baby has been in and out of hospitals since the day he or she was born, and they still manage to smile and ask me about my kids, I am inspired. I admire how strong people can be in the midst of tumultuous times, and sometimes on the worst days of their lives.
Unfortunately I often meet people on some of the worst days of their lives. I always knew that I would, from the day I started EMT class, and I thought it would be hard. I was working in a retail job at the time and I had dealt with some livid people. I thought that it was going to be even harder to deal with people in dire circumstances. After being in the emergency field for awhile I can honestly tell you that people are less angry on what could possibly be the worst day of their life than they are when they are moderately inconvenienced. I definitely think that is interesting, and of course there are a few exceptions to the rule, but for the most part it seems to be a paradox.
I think that somehow we gain strength when we need it most. We manage to pull through things we never thought we would be able to. We succeed in overcoming because we have no other choice. We learn to do things that we never thought were possible. Someone was talking to me the other day about how people tend to put a cap on their abilities. We tend to think that whatever we were told as a child or even a young adult is true. If someone told us we can't do something, then it must be true. I think the sooner we recognize that not everything uttered to us (especially from someone who doesn't genuinely care) is not true, the better off we are. Of course most people are their own toughest critics. We put a cap on our abilities because we are comfortable with where we are and changing and growing might hurt. But, when I look at all the ordinary (turned extraordinary) people who have managed to persevere on the worst day of their lives, I have hope that we are capable of so much more than we think.
"Sometimes success isn't in the ability to do what others cannot, but in the willingness to do what others will not."
-Anonymous
Thursday, November 12, 2015
Friday, July 31, 2015
What Needs to be Done
The other day I was talking with my husband about our house and how far it has come in the last nine months. For those of you who don't know, we bought a house when we moved and to say it was "a bit of a fixer upper" would be the understatement of the year. We looked at a few houses when we made the decision to move and we couldn't believe how expensive they were. Anything we could afford didn't have enough room for our five person family-and we didn't want to rent. Real estate in this area was more expensive than we were used to and we had no idea what kind of job my husband would get right away. We were thinking maybe renting would just have to be the way to go-until we found the "cat house". Our kids called it the cat house because when we walked in the door there was no mistaking the smell of cat urine. The flooring was torn, the neon yellow and green paint was chipped and slopped all over the probably once amazing 1920s woodwork. The finished basement had pink walls with stickers all over them. Honestly, there's just no good way for me to explain how bad it was without pictures. Even then, you wouldn't be able to smell the cats. Yuck.
We originally looked at the house on a day we set aside to look at houses in our new town. We left that day deflated. We didn't find anything we thought would work for our family, at least in our price range. About halfway home, though, my husband's face lit up. I knew he had an idea and I was scared of what he was going to say. He had decided that if we took a couple weeks to completely clean and gut the "cat house", it should be livable after that. We could continue working on it after we got it decent enough to live in. Of course I did what any woman in this era would do and started looking at pinterest and got inspired. I made a deal with my husband that we could buy the place if we could buy all new appliances to go in it. Of course he was so excited by the idea that he was going to get to remodel a house (he loves that kind of stuff) that he agreed to buy new appliances. We also agreed that we would not show pictures to any of our friends or our parents, because they would probably all say that we were crazy.
For the first few weeks we lived in our new town, we spent every waking moment working on our house. The kids stayed with my husband's parents and one of my lieutenants and his wife were nice enough to let my husband and me stay in their camper. My husband worked every day from the time he got up until he went to bed. I helped him on my days off. We bleached, primed and painted walls, tore out carpet, and refinished old hard wood flooring. We made it livable in 2 weeks. When I look back on it now, I can hardly believe all the things we did. I can't believe that in the months following, we worked on it as well. Remember-I said we made it livable in two weeks-not pretty. We are still working on the pretty part. The inside looks pretty darn good, and in a few weeks we will paint the outside. It has been quite the transformation.
Every time I think back to those first few weeks of working on this house I am amazed. Its amazing how you just do what you have to do at the time and don't think a thing of it. When you look back, you wonder how you did it-or if you could do it again. Fire and EMS are the same way. People ask me all the time how I can handle being around emergency situations. I never really know what to say other than I just do what needs to be done. When you're focused on a goal, getting tired or overwhelmed gets put on the back burner and you just act. Your training takes over and you do the best you can. Tension runs high for everyone involved, but focusing on your task becomes the most important thing you can do.
I think most of us will look back in 20 years at our lives now and wonder how we did it, but for now-we're just doing what we need to do, one day at a time. The other day I said to a senior firefighter after we did a training that I didn't know how, at my size and strength, I would drag a large person out of a structure by myself if I had to. He just smiled and said, "don't worry, if the time comes, you'll find it." And I know he is right-when the time comes, we somehow find the strength to do what needs to be done. We might hurt the next day. We might look back and wonder how we did it-but we will get it done, and that is what counts.
We originally looked at the house on a day we set aside to look at houses in our new town. We left that day deflated. We didn't find anything we thought would work for our family, at least in our price range. About halfway home, though, my husband's face lit up. I knew he had an idea and I was scared of what he was going to say. He had decided that if we took a couple weeks to completely clean and gut the "cat house", it should be livable after that. We could continue working on it after we got it decent enough to live in. Of course I did what any woman in this era would do and started looking at pinterest and got inspired. I made a deal with my husband that we could buy the place if we could buy all new appliances to go in it. Of course he was so excited by the idea that he was going to get to remodel a house (he loves that kind of stuff) that he agreed to buy new appliances. We also agreed that we would not show pictures to any of our friends or our parents, because they would probably all say that we were crazy.
For the first few weeks we lived in our new town, we spent every waking moment working on our house. The kids stayed with my husband's parents and one of my lieutenants and his wife were nice enough to let my husband and me stay in their camper. My husband worked every day from the time he got up until he went to bed. I helped him on my days off. We bleached, primed and painted walls, tore out carpet, and refinished old hard wood flooring. We made it livable in 2 weeks. When I look back on it now, I can hardly believe all the things we did. I can't believe that in the months following, we worked on it as well. Remember-I said we made it livable in two weeks-not pretty. We are still working on the pretty part. The inside looks pretty darn good, and in a few weeks we will paint the outside. It has been quite the transformation.
Every time I think back to those first few weeks of working on this house I am amazed. Its amazing how you just do what you have to do at the time and don't think a thing of it. When you look back, you wonder how you did it-or if you could do it again. Fire and EMS are the same way. People ask me all the time how I can handle being around emergency situations. I never really know what to say other than I just do what needs to be done. When you're focused on a goal, getting tired or overwhelmed gets put on the back burner and you just act. Your training takes over and you do the best you can. Tension runs high for everyone involved, but focusing on your task becomes the most important thing you can do.
I think most of us will look back in 20 years at our lives now and wonder how we did it, but for now-we're just doing what we need to do, one day at a time. The other day I said to a senior firefighter after we did a training that I didn't know how, at my size and strength, I would drag a large person out of a structure by myself if I had to. He just smiled and said, "don't worry, if the time comes, you'll find it." And I know he is right-when the time comes, we somehow find the strength to do what needs to be done. We might hurt the next day. We might look back and wonder how we did it-but we will get it done, and that is what counts.
Monday, July 27, 2015
For a Limited Time
I'm sure you've noticed I haven't written in awhile. A lot has been going on in these last couple of months. We buried my grandmother at the end of February, and then at the end of May, my other grandmother also went to be with Jesus. A couple of weeks ago, we learned that my husband's grandfather (the only grandparent he has left) was diagnosed with cancer. He is not taking treatments. He says he is ready to go. Now, don't get me wrong- I don't write this for you to feel sorry for me. Death is a part of life. I feel blessed to have been able to keep my grandparents as long as I have. As much as it hurts to lose someone from this life I can't help but rejoice for them that they are with their Lord and Savior.
I have to say, though, that with all of this happening lately I have put a lot of thought into what is truly important. People always say of money and material things, "you can't take them with you", and they're right. I won't take anything I own on this earth to heaven with me when my time is up. I can't even take any of my accomplishments or knowledge with me. I heard someone say once that the only things we can bring with us to heaven are other people. Knowing and believing this I can't in good conscience write a blog that people read and not share my faith with all of you. I know, most people have some form of religion in their lives. There's nothing wrong with religion, with tradition-going to church on Sunday and putting some money in the offering plate. But that's not what I'm talking about. What I'm talking about is simply this: do you know where you're going when you die?
I was talking with a friend the other day who said, "I hope I'm worthy enough to go (to heaven)" My response was that no human is worthy of that. None of us, no matter how good, bad, or ugly we are are worthy of Heaven. Jesus died on the cross for our sins because He is worthy-not because we are. All we have to do is accept that we are not worthy of Heaven, and ask Him to forgive our sins and come into our lives.
I don't know what all of you believe. Please know that I love all of you no matter what. I feel that it is my duty to share this with you, though. I think that my grandmas would've wanted me to share it with you, as they did with my parents and my parents with me. We never know how many days we have on this earth, but we do know that some day they will run out. We are only here for a limited time. Let's try our best to make a difference while we're here on earth, but more importantly, know where we will spend eternity.
"For God so loved the world that He sent His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life."
John 3:16
"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord"
Romans 6:23
I have to say, though, that with all of this happening lately I have put a lot of thought into what is truly important. People always say of money and material things, "you can't take them with you", and they're right. I won't take anything I own on this earth to heaven with me when my time is up. I can't even take any of my accomplishments or knowledge with me. I heard someone say once that the only things we can bring with us to heaven are other people. Knowing and believing this I can't in good conscience write a blog that people read and not share my faith with all of you. I know, most people have some form of religion in their lives. There's nothing wrong with religion, with tradition-going to church on Sunday and putting some money in the offering plate. But that's not what I'm talking about. What I'm talking about is simply this: do you know where you're going when you die?
I was talking with a friend the other day who said, "I hope I'm worthy enough to go (to heaven)" My response was that no human is worthy of that. None of us, no matter how good, bad, or ugly we are are worthy of Heaven. Jesus died on the cross for our sins because He is worthy-not because we are. All we have to do is accept that we are not worthy of Heaven, and ask Him to forgive our sins and come into our lives.
I don't know what all of you believe. Please know that I love all of you no matter what. I feel that it is my duty to share this with you, though. I think that my grandmas would've wanted me to share it with you, as they did with my parents and my parents with me. We never know how many days we have on this earth, but we do know that some day they will run out. We are only here for a limited time. Let's try our best to make a difference while we're here on earth, but more importantly, know where we will spend eternity.
"For God so loved the world that He sent His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life."
John 3:16
"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord"
Romans 6:23
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
Walk Before You Run
The other day I was sitting in church with my family and I just about pinched myself on the arm because I felt like I was dreaming. This still just doesn't even seem real. How is is possible that this has happened? How have I managed to make a career (or at least start one) doing things I love? It was like the whole last year of my life just hit me. Nine months I have been at this new job and I finally feel like I am past the initial shock of it all. Maybe I am past some of the awkward firsts-like a toddler who doesn't fall every time she tries to walk, but still isn't running any marathons, because it takes years of training and developing muscle to do so.
Being past the initial shock feels good in a way. I feel like maybe I am starting to feel at home, but I still feel grossly inadequate most days. I feel too small and too weak. (I'm working on the physical strength by the way-I wish I had discovered the benefits of lifting weights earlier in life) I feel like there is no way I am ever going to know all I need to know, and be able to do what I need to do-and do it well. I get impatient with myself. (Can anyone relate to that? Remember how I said I am not a patient person?) I expect to be good at things the first time I try, and let me tell you, I am not. I don't think many people are, but sometimes it seems as if they are when you're the one learning.
When I think about all the things I have learned in the past year, I can hardly believe it-I even start to feel a little proud. But then I think of all the things I still have to learn and I deflate. (It brings to mind a story my grandma used to read to me about pride coming before the fall.) My ego gets a reality check when I think that I don't know how much I have to learn because I don't know enough about firefighting to even make a general guess. Its overwhelming-but exciting at the same time. If there's one thing that I've never wanted its a boring career. I've never wanted to feel like I've learned all there is to learn, because what fun would that be? I want to keep learning. The day I don't want to learn anymore is the day I should not be working anymore.
But-learning is hard. Stretching your mind and body to be able to do things you never thought you could isn't always easy. Its rewarding-just not easy. Fear of failure is always there rearing its ugly head. And of course there is always the criticism from the people who think you're nuts for even trying, but we already talked about that. Better to be criticized by some than to never come out of your comfort zone and just not do anything. (Because that's the only way we can avoid it, remember?)
The other day I was talking with a friend and he said something about not knowing where he was going to end up. I told him that life is a work in progress and we shouldn't "end up" (at least physically) until we are no longer on this earth. ( I had to remind myself of this when I was thinking about how I'd like a bigger and nicer house, too) I have to remind myself of that often. I haven't "ended up" here, I have started up here. This is the beginning of my career-and my life, really. This is me at the last leg of my rookie year and I am scared to death and yet excited as heck to see what else lies ahead. The thing is we never know. We never know what is coming, even if we think we have it all planned out. Because, as you and I should know by now, life doesn't always go as planned.
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
Enjoy it while you can
The other day I told my daughter she sounded like a broken record and she said, "Mom, what are you talking about?" I laughed and thought it was funny, but how would she know what a record was? She is seven. She doesn't know what a cassette tape is either. My kids think it is funny that phones used to be connected to the wall and you could only use them to talk-no texting, watching movies, or playing games.
I've read a lot lately about the "entitlement generation" and how people 35 and younger didn't have to work as hard as our parents. I do agree that there are a lot of things that were easier for me growing up than my parents and grandparents. I also think there are some things that were harder. I think every generation is unique and every time period comes with its own conveniences and challenges. Every generation thinks the one after is "spoiled" or "entitled". My parents know I missed out on having party lines, my grandparents know my parents missed out on "simpler times" when no one had a phone, etc. Sometimes I wish my kids knew what it was like to grow up when I did, before kids all had their own electronic gaming devices and we played outside for entertainment. I guess we did have gaming systems..our closest neighbor (5 miles down the gravel road) had a Nintendo. My brother and I would ride our bikes up and down the hills between our house and theirs just to play Nintendo for awhile-and we thought it was the greatest thing ever. My kids just have to find the tablet and make sure it has enough battery to play a game. If my kids had to ride their bikes 10 miles round trip to play a game I don't think they'd do it. I feel they have things easier, but harder too. I never had to worry about cyber bullies-I didn't even know what that meant! My parents didn't have to monitor my internet sites because there was no such thing. A lot of things that were created to make our lives easier have made them harder, too. I think we forget that there is a difference between easier and simpler. Yes-some things might be easier with all the communication and hyper connectivity we have today, but they are not really simpler. We complicate our lives with being constantly connected with just about everyone we know. Don't get me wrong-I think its great to be able to talk with my friends I don't live near with nothing more than typing a few words. Our parents didn't have that when they were our age-they had to pick up the phone-or write a letter (what's that?!).
Of course fire and EMS are no strangers to changing times and different generations. The only constant is that things will always change. I've come to the point in my life where I crave the wisdom of my elders. I have gotten past my rebelliousness of young adulthood and want to know more about how generations before me did things. Don't get me wrong-I have no plans to move to a one room cabin without running water. I think, though that there is so much to be learned from those who have done this before. When I have a patient in the ambulance who is in his or her 80s or 90s, I really enjoy listening to their stories. I love hearing what they did when they were my age, the kids they raised, the job they worked. They have such a healthy pride in their accomplishments, accompanied by humility and gratitude. I can tell just by listening to them for a few minutes that they worked harder than I can imagine for everything they have-and they are grateful. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time-just to see what it was like when they were in their prime-how they handled things compared to my generation. I am always inspired by them, and of course they always tell me "enjoy it while you can, it'll go by fast." And I am starting to think that they are right.
So I will enjoy it. I'll enjoy my kids while they are home-the camping trips, family vacations, and just regular old Tuesday nights in the yard or in front of the TV. I'll enjoy having the ability to work and help others. And I'll try to gain some wisdom from my elders in the process.
Of course fire and EMS are no strangers to changing times and different generations. The only constant is that things will always change. I've come to the point in my life where I crave the wisdom of my elders. I have gotten past my rebelliousness of young adulthood and want to know more about how generations before me did things. Don't get me wrong-I have no plans to move to a one room cabin without running water. I think, though that there is so much to be learned from those who have done this before. When I have a patient in the ambulance who is in his or her 80s or 90s, I really enjoy listening to their stories. I love hearing what they did when they were my age, the kids they raised, the job they worked. They have such a healthy pride in their accomplishments, accompanied by humility and gratitude. I can tell just by listening to them for a few minutes that they worked harder than I can imagine for everything they have-and they are grateful. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time-just to see what it was like when they were in their prime-how they handled things compared to my generation. I am always inspired by them, and of course they always tell me "enjoy it while you can, it'll go by fast." And I am starting to think that they are right.
So I will enjoy it. I'll enjoy my kids while they are home-the camping trips, family vacations, and just regular old Tuesday nights in the yard or in front of the TV. I'll enjoy having the ability to work and help others. And I'll try to gain some wisdom from my elders in the process.
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
Life's too short
Anyone who has had stress in their life knows that it can affect everyone differently. Usually, though, the effects usually have one thing in common: they're negative. Stress can make a person sleep less, eat less/more, worry more, enjoy life less, and cause a whole list of long term health problems doctors are still discovering. We all have stress-and some is good. The stress of being occupied and employed is usually a good thing. On the other hand, the stress of losing a job or a loved one can be detrimental. I have experienced both of these stresses in the last few months.
You already know that I changed jobs and moved my family to a new town this year. Although you might say that was stressful, it was good. I like to compare it to a healthy pain, like when you're running or lifting weights and you push yourself and feel that fatigue followed by a great sense of accomplishment and in some cases, even euphoria. Unfortunately though, the other kind of stress can feel like those weights got dropped on your abdomen. It can feel like it is crushing you, inside and out. I think most people can relate to both of these. I lost my grandmother this past February and even though her death was not a surprise, she was very ill and was 88 years old, it still hurt. It hurt to lose an amazing woman who lived her whole life with a selflessness I can only dream of having. It hurt to know I won't see her again this side of heaven, and that my kids probably won't remember her. In the months after my grandma passed, several people from my hometown died suddenly and unexpectedly. Shortly after that, a 38 year old volunteer firefighter from a nearby town died in a house fire from floor collapse and a fall. Now, if you were around me when I heard the news of all these deaths, you would think I am a rock. Some people may even think I am cold and don't have a heart. And honestly, sometimes I think those things too. But then a few weeks go by. I go on about my daily routines and I just start getting irritable. Everything anyone does makes me angry, even if it shouldn't.
I think these types of reactions are common for people who work in high stress jobs. I have read a lot about post traumatic stress and how it can affect all of us. The crazy thing to me is how things can affect us even when we don't think they do. I was saddened to hear about the fallen firefighter, but he was not someone I knew personally. Something about that, though affected me way more than I thought. I think deep inside somewhere I was wondering if I would fall apart completely if something like that happened to someone I know. I was wondering what would happen to my family if it happened to me. I think everyone who heard the news was wondering those things-even if we don't like to admit it.
It is so hard sometimes to find balance to work these things out. We live in a culture of extremes. We have workoholics and people who won't get off the couch, epidemics of both obesity and eating disorders. We are almost taught by example to be extreme. If work stresses us out, we bury ourselves in more work. If we're too depressed to leave the house, we stay in and make it worse. Where is balance? How can we achieve a good balance of everything? It is, in my opinion, one of the hardest things to do-but also one of the most important. We need to have fun, visit our friends and take time for our families and things we enjoy. Life is too short to put off what is most important. <3
Friday, May 1, 2015
The right place at the right time
Have you ever just felt like you were meant to be somewhere at a certain time? I have heard people tell stories about coincidence, fate, or God placing them in a situation by a miracle. I had never really had an experience like this until the day of my second interview with the fire service.
Now I don't know how men choose clothes, but I know we women many times over think our wardrobe for special days. I tried really hard not to over think but the harder I tried the more I thought about it. (There have to be at least a few people out there who know what I'm talking about!) I finally put on some gray dress pants and a black shirt and headed out the door. Oh, and some red heels-coincidentally red is my favorite color and I thought they might be a nice touch for an interview at a place with a bunch of red trucks. (Yes, I know...typical woman, what can I say I'm still a girl) My interview wasn't until 1500 but I was so excited that I got on the road at about 1200 and headed out of town. The drive was only about an hour and a half but of course you never know what can happen out on the road and being late for an interview is just never a good idea. When I was about 10 miles away from my destination I saw a car and a farm truck in the ditch. There were two men standing by the car and one had blood coming down his back and was holding his head. The other man looked uninjured but I couldn't help but think that there was a lot of blood on the one man's back and there was no law enforcement or EMS there. I stopped my car and told the men my name. I told the man who was bleeding to sit down because I didn't want him to pass out. The man's head was still bleeding and he had taken off his shirt. Of course I had no gloves with me on this day even though I usually carry some in my car, and of course I was dressed in my pretty interview clothes and red high heels. I could tell the man was getting tired of holding his head because he wasn't holding strong enough pressure on it anymore and it was still bleeding. I grabbed the man's dirty t shirt he had taken off and held pressure on his scalp with it. (Not exactly the most sterile thing but in a situation like that you do what you can.) Within a couple of minutes highway patrol and EMS arrived and they took over. They thanked me and I got back in my car and headed for my interview-miraculously still clean. While driving the rest of the way I thought about what had happened and how crazy it was that I came upon that accident. Would the man have been ok if I had not shown up? Most likely. But it was still just so strange to me that on this day of all days that happened in my path just a minute before I was passing by.
After washing my hands thoroughly, I went to my second interview. It went great. I had a good feeling about it and even told my interviewers about what had happened on my way to town earlier. I remember one of them joking with me that I shouldn't be out there causing accidents. I started home shortly after the interview and called my husband. I told him about what had happened on the way to the interview and about the interview itself. When he heard my story, he said, "well I guess we'd better start packing our stuff!" He was confident I would get the job. I wasn't so confident, but I was definitely hopeful. As it turned out I got a phone call before I was even back home offering me the job pending a background check. I was so excited that I pulled over to the side of the road and did a "car dance" (you know that happy dance you do in your car but passersby probably think it looks more like a seizure? Yeah, one of those.)
Well now you know how I got here and how this adventure began. I have had a few people tell me that apparently God wanted me to be in the place I was at the time I was that day. Maybe He did. There is no way for me to know what God thinks but it sure seems that way to me too.
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you."
-Jeremiah 29:11
Now I don't know how men choose clothes, but I know we women many times over think our wardrobe for special days. I tried really hard not to over think but the harder I tried the more I thought about it. (There have to be at least a few people out there who know what I'm talking about!) I finally put on some gray dress pants and a black shirt and headed out the door. Oh, and some red heels-coincidentally red is my favorite color and I thought they might be a nice touch for an interview at a place with a bunch of red trucks. (Yes, I know...typical woman, what can I say I'm still a girl) My interview wasn't until 1500 but I was so excited that I got on the road at about 1200 and headed out of town. The drive was only about an hour and a half but of course you never know what can happen out on the road and being late for an interview is just never a good idea. When I was about 10 miles away from my destination I saw a car and a farm truck in the ditch. There were two men standing by the car and one had blood coming down his back and was holding his head. The other man looked uninjured but I couldn't help but think that there was a lot of blood on the one man's back and there was no law enforcement or EMS there. I stopped my car and told the men my name. I told the man who was bleeding to sit down because I didn't want him to pass out. The man's head was still bleeding and he had taken off his shirt. Of course I had no gloves with me on this day even though I usually carry some in my car, and of course I was dressed in my pretty interview clothes and red high heels. I could tell the man was getting tired of holding his head because he wasn't holding strong enough pressure on it anymore and it was still bleeding. I grabbed the man's dirty t shirt he had taken off and held pressure on his scalp with it. (Not exactly the most sterile thing but in a situation like that you do what you can.) Within a couple of minutes highway patrol and EMS arrived and they took over. They thanked me and I got back in my car and headed for my interview-miraculously still clean. While driving the rest of the way I thought about what had happened and how crazy it was that I came upon that accident. Would the man have been ok if I had not shown up? Most likely. But it was still just so strange to me that on this day of all days that happened in my path just a minute before I was passing by.
After washing my hands thoroughly, I went to my second interview. It went great. I had a good feeling about it and even told my interviewers about what had happened on my way to town earlier. I remember one of them joking with me that I shouldn't be out there causing accidents. I started home shortly after the interview and called my husband. I told him about what had happened on the way to the interview and about the interview itself. When he heard my story, he said, "well I guess we'd better start packing our stuff!" He was confident I would get the job. I wasn't so confident, but I was definitely hopeful. As it turned out I got a phone call before I was even back home offering me the job pending a background check. I was so excited that I pulled over to the side of the road and did a "car dance" (you know that happy dance you do in your car but passersby probably think it looks more like a seizure? Yeah, one of those.)
Well now you know how I got here and how this adventure began. I have had a few people tell me that apparently God wanted me to be in the place I was at the time I was that day. Maybe He did. There is no way for me to know what God thinks but it sure seems that way to me too.
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you."
-Jeremiah 29:11
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
What to do next...
I am sure you're still wondering how it is that I got here, in this new town working for the fire service when that was not my original plan. Well, it actually started back in August of 2013 when my husband and I went on a canoe trip to the boundary waters in northern Minnesota. The trip was our "last hurrah" before I started paramedic school. We knew our schedules and finances probably wouldn't allow us to take many trips once I started so we went to the wilderness for a few days before school for the kids and me was in full swing. The trip was awesome, and I will write more about our love for camping and the outdoors in the future, but on our way home we came through a town not too far from where we were living. My husband said on our way through the area that he had always thought it would be fun to live there. He said there were several lakes to fish in and a lot of pretty country. I understood what he meant and I liked the town too.
In the next few weeks I started school. What a whirlwind of a year! I had no idea I could learn so much in such a small amount of time. To say that the program was intense is probably an understatement, but I really don't know what word does it justice. Now, if you've been involved in an intense program you know that it changes you. A person either breaks or gets stronger when they go through something that stretches them. Thanks to God and the support of my family and friends, I didn't break. I never could have done it on my own-that is for certain. There were times when I left my ride along site at 0400 so I could make it back to class on time. I even slept in a sleeping bag in the back of my van-in the hospital parking lot one night because I needed to see baby deliveries and the OB nurses told me no one was delivering and I should get some sleep but stay close in case someone comes in ready to go. It was definitely an adventure, but I guess it prepared me for the lack of sleep that sometimes comes with the job. That was part of my training and I didn't even know it at the time.
Eventually, though it came to an end and it was time to find a job. I sent my resume out to a few places, and even had one offer. I didn't want to move away from the town and the people I had known as home for the past 7 years, and many places require that you live close. Again, there was the reservation, and that was still on my radar, but I had discovered my passion for fire during my internship and really wanted to pursue that. Then one day my teacher posted a link on our class Facebook site that said that nice town my husband said he'd like to live in was looking for firefighter/paramedics. Of course when I told him that he said, "well you'd BETTER be applying for that!!!" So I printed my resume, filled out the application, and took the exam required to be considered.
After one interview, they called me for a second!! I was so excited I could barely contain myself. I was in lab preparing for my national registry practicals when they called. There were nervous people pacing the floors because our big exam was coming up, and even though I was nervous for them too, I couldn't stop smiling. Of course though, I tried not to get too excited. After all, I had no guarantee of a job, just a second interview. What was I going to do? I was still considering the other job I was offered, but I knew that my husband would be so happy if he got to move to the angler's paradise this area is. I never could have predicted, though what would actually happen the day of that second interview.
In the next few weeks I started school. What a whirlwind of a year! I had no idea I could learn so much in such a small amount of time. To say that the program was intense is probably an understatement, but I really don't know what word does it justice. Now, if you've been involved in an intense program you know that it changes you. A person either breaks or gets stronger when they go through something that stretches them. Thanks to God and the support of my family and friends, I didn't break. I never could have done it on my own-that is for certain. There were times when I left my ride along site at 0400 so I could make it back to class on time. I even slept in a sleeping bag in the back of my van-in the hospital parking lot one night because I needed to see baby deliveries and the OB nurses told me no one was delivering and I should get some sleep but stay close in case someone comes in ready to go. It was definitely an adventure, but I guess it prepared me for the lack of sleep that sometimes comes with the job. That was part of my training and I didn't even know it at the time.
Eventually, though it came to an end and it was time to find a job. I sent my resume out to a few places, and even had one offer. I didn't want to move away from the town and the people I had known as home for the past 7 years, and many places require that you live close. Again, there was the reservation, and that was still on my radar, but I had discovered my passion for fire during my internship and really wanted to pursue that. Then one day my teacher posted a link on our class Facebook site that said that nice town my husband said he'd like to live in was looking for firefighter/paramedics. Of course when I told him that he said, "well you'd BETTER be applying for that!!!" So I printed my resume, filled out the application, and took the exam required to be considered.
After one interview, they called me for a second!! I was so excited I could barely contain myself. I was in lab preparing for my national registry practicals when they called. There were nervous people pacing the floors because our big exam was coming up, and even though I was nervous for them too, I couldn't stop smiling. Of course though, I tried not to get too excited. After all, I had no guarantee of a job, just a second interview. What was I going to do? I was still considering the other job I was offered, but I knew that my husband would be so happy if he got to move to the angler's paradise this area is. I never could have predicted, though what would actually happen the day of that second interview.
Thursday, April 23, 2015
Through thick and thin
Paramedic school was one of the hardest and yet most fun things I have ever done. Remember how I said in the last post that I made friends who will stick by me through thick and thin? I cannot even begin to say how grateful I am for the friends I made in school. When you have a common bond with someone, or when you share a passion for what you do, its hard not to be friends, really. I was so surprised that I made as many friends as I did. There was a group of us who went to lunch together just about every class day. And you know how you can make friends somewhere and swear you'll stay in touch, but you really don't? We have not done that. Of course the world of Facebook and text messaging has made that a lot easier. It is so great to know that there are other people going through the same things as you usually on any given day. We talk about challenges that rookie paramedics face, and its comforting to know we're not alone. Somebody out there gets it.
While I am talking about friends, I have to say that working for the fire service has blown me away in that aspect as well. I moved to this town 6 months ago and didn't know that many people, but most of my shift showed up to help carry in boxes and furniture into our house. Now tell me where else you can work and have coworkers you don't even know that well yet show up and help you move? I can't think of any place. People who work in fire and EMS know that while you definitely make friends, it is more accurate to say you become part of a big family. Its a family because even though we bicker and argue and don't agree on everything, we would do just about anything for each other. We would die for each other. Because I am still new to this it is strange sometimes to think that there is a group of people I've known for a few months who would drag me out of a burning building risking their own lives, and I of course would do the same for them. But again, when you share a passion for your work with other people, it is hard not to become friends-even family.
I am getting ahead of myself though, you still don't know how it is I got here. Again, my life didn't go as planned. One year ago school was nearing the end and I was so ready to find a job. My husband was definitely ready for me to be working again, too! In the meantime I had begun an internship at a fire department. It was during this that I decided it wasn't just EMS I had a passion for, but fire too. I couldn't believe how amazing it felt to put on the gear and go up in the ladder truck. (I'm pretty sure I'm the only one in my class who got to do that on paramedic internship). I told my husband that I loved it and that I would really like to work for the fire service some day and of course he wasn't surprised. But I thought some day-in the distant future. I thought there was no way on earth I could do it right away. But again, life didn't go as planned.
Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."
-John 15:13
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
To avoid criticism...
Paramedic school was something I knew I wanted for awhile by the time I spoke with my teacher about where he went to school. He said the school he attended had a great program and recommended I apply. I spoke with other medics and they said the same thing. The only problem was the school was 2 hours from where I lived and I would have class 3 days a week and clinicals besides. Could I handle this? Could I drive that many hours a week and be away from my kids and husband? I spent many nights awake wondering if we were making the right decision. And of course I had naysayers.
Why is it that there are always people trying to tear others down? There have always been people who think they know what is good for me and my family more than I do-and it has always bothered me. I couldn't help wondering if all those negative Nellies were right. I thought, "maybe I'm too old, maybe I'm too weak, maybe my kids will feel as if I abandoned them if I spend some nights away from home." The thing is, I had prayed about this. You don't know me well enough yet to know that I have a strong faith in God. I believe that He has a plan for everyone, but I also believe we must be part of our own rescues. There is a reason He gave me the passion for this. He didn't put me on earth to lie on a beach and drink margaritas (not that there's not a time and place for that) but He put me here to fulfill a purpose-to help other people and show them His love. Even though I had prayed about this, there were still people who criticized. I even had one lady ask my kids (in front of me) if they were going to have to cook their own meals while mom was in school. This infuriated me even more than it probably should have, but it really should have infuriated my husband. Did she not think he was capable of cooking a few meals? I'll get more in to double standards for men and women later, but the point is it made me question my decisions. My questioning was soon halted one day though when I got a fortune cookie that read, "To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing." Some people credit this to Aristotle and others to a writer named Elbert Hubbard, but whoever said it was right. Now, I am by no means saying that one should decide their future based on a fortune cookie. My faith was apparently weak that it took that to put my mind at ease about my decision. However, there is so much truth in that statement. The only way I can avoid being criticized is to do absolutely nothing. That's the only way any of us can avoid criticism. What a life lesson to learn in your 30s. I am sure that I'll have to learn it again, in fact just writing this makes me remember that I should think less about what other people think. Human logic is sometimes flawed. We don't always know the whole story before we judge what others are doing. I have probably done this to other people more times than I care to admit, and more likely several times when I don't even know I have done it. So I decided that even though some would criticize, I was ready to take on paramedic school along with all the challenges it would bring. I had no idea though that in the next year I would learn so much more than just textbook facts and algorithms. I would make friends who would stand beside me through thick and thin. I would change-for the better I hope- by gaining confidence I never thought possible.
1 Samuel 16:7b
"The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."
Why is it that there are always people trying to tear others down? There have always been people who think they know what is good for me and my family more than I do-and it has always bothered me. I couldn't help wondering if all those negative Nellies were right. I thought, "maybe I'm too old, maybe I'm too weak, maybe my kids will feel as if I abandoned them if I spend some nights away from home." The thing is, I had prayed about this. You don't know me well enough yet to know that I have a strong faith in God. I believe that He has a plan for everyone, but I also believe we must be part of our own rescues. There is a reason He gave me the passion for this. He didn't put me on earth to lie on a beach and drink margaritas (not that there's not a time and place for that) but He put me here to fulfill a purpose-to help other people and show them His love. Even though I had prayed about this, there were still people who criticized. I even had one lady ask my kids (in front of me) if they were going to have to cook their own meals while mom was in school. This infuriated me even more than it probably should have, but it really should have infuriated my husband. Did she not think he was capable of cooking a few meals? I'll get more in to double standards for men and women later, but the point is it made me question my decisions. My questioning was soon halted one day though when I got a fortune cookie that read, "To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing." Some people credit this to Aristotle and others to a writer named Elbert Hubbard, but whoever said it was right. Now, I am by no means saying that one should decide their future based on a fortune cookie. My faith was apparently weak that it took that to put my mind at ease about my decision. However, there is so much truth in that statement. The only way I can avoid being criticized is to do absolutely nothing. That's the only way any of us can avoid criticism. What a life lesson to learn in your 30s. I am sure that I'll have to learn it again, in fact just writing this makes me remember that I should think less about what other people think. Human logic is sometimes flawed. We don't always know the whole story before we judge what others are doing. I have probably done this to other people more times than I care to admit, and more likely several times when I don't even know I have done it. So I decided that even though some would criticize, I was ready to take on paramedic school along with all the challenges it would bring. I had no idea though that in the next year I would learn so much more than just textbook facts and algorithms. I would make friends who would stand beside me through thick and thin. I would change-for the better I hope- by gaining confidence I never thought possible.
1 Samuel 16:7b
"The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."
Monday, April 20, 2015
The Day I Discovered Why
So now you know how I got started in EMT class. I promise we will get to the good stuff soon, but I felt like some background would be helpful. The class ran from December 2012 to May 2013. There were times I felt I would never pass my national registry. (For those unfamiliar with EMS, the national registry is the test one has to pass to become certified to work as an EMT) I remember thinking that paramedic school must be really hard because this was pretty hard. Oh and remember how I said we started class with 10 students? Yeah, well by the second night of class we were down to seven. I'm not sure what happened to the other three who ventured out into that blizzard the previous night but they must have decided the class wasn't for them. The teacher acted like that was completely normal and said we would lose more before the class ended in May.
I know you're wondering how it is that I became a paramedic when I said in the last post that I gave up on it about as soon as I thought of it. That's where April 2, 2013 comes into this story. On the first day of class, one of the state EMS coordinators came to speak to our class and mentioned that the busiest ambulance service in the state was found on a reservation several hours away. I of course decided that I wanted to go and see this place. I had grown up not far from the reservation and I knew what it was all about, but I had never seen it from the side of the first responders who serve there. So I got up at 0300 on April 2nd to be at the ambulance garage by 0800. After an almost 4 hour drive I finally arrived at a pole building on the edge of a run down reservation town. I walked in and saw 6 ambulances, one of which had a big sign on the front that read "fix me". People were walking around feverishly cleaning and restocking the trucks. I was in awe. All I could think is "this is awesome." I tried to text my husband and tell him that I made it and that I was really excited for this day, but when I looked down at my phone I discovered it had no signal. It was at about this time when I decided I had better introduce myself to these people. So I walked up to one of the ladies and told her my name and that I was an EMT student. She was friendly and reassured me "its really not as bad as it looks." Of course I was thinking, "what are you talking about??!! This is great!"
Someone once told me "There are two very important days in your life: they day you are born and the day you discover why you were born." April 2, 2013 was the day I discovered why. Not only was I able to help with trauma calls and experience what it would be like to work at a busy ambulance service, but I figured out how that particular service ran. The people there were all really nice and although a few were from the reservation, most of them said they commuted from several hours away, just like I had done that morning. They told me that they work a 40 hour shift and then go home for 5 days before coming back again. This was it!! This was how I could work as a paramedic even though our town didn't employ them! Not only that, but it was on that day I decided that I had so much fun, God must have put me on this earth to be a paramedic. It was like my professional life was finally going to make sense. I finally discovered why I was given this adrenaline junkie and impatient personality and I made up my mind that day that I would take what God had given me and use it to help other people-and if that meant spending money on school, studying, changing careers, and being even poorer than I was used to being for a couple years so be it. It was my calling. And the funny part is when I called my husband on my way home to tell him this, he already knew. Somehow he knew what had happened to me that spring day on the reservation, and he totally understood what I needed to do next.
I know you're wondering how it is that I became a paramedic when I said in the last post that I gave up on it about as soon as I thought of it. That's where April 2, 2013 comes into this story. On the first day of class, one of the state EMS coordinators came to speak to our class and mentioned that the busiest ambulance service in the state was found on a reservation several hours away. I of course decided that I wanted to go and see this place. I had grown up not far from the reservation and I knew what it was all about, but I had never seen it from the side of the first responders who serve there. So I got up at 0300 on April 2nd to be at the ambulance garage by 0800. After an almost 4 hour drive I finally arrived at a pole building on the edge of a run down reservation town. I walked in and saw 6 ambulances, one of which had a big sign on the front that read "fix me". People were walking around feverishly cleaning and restocking the trucks. I was in awe. All I could think is "this is awesome." I tried to text my husband and tell him that I made it and that I was really excited for this day, but when I looked down at my phone I discovered it had no signal. It was at about this time when I decided I had better introduce myself to these people. So I walked up to one of the ladies and told her my name and that I was an EMT student. She was friendly and reassured me "its really not as bad as it looks." Of course I was thinking, "what are you talking about??!! This is great!"
Someone once told me "There are two very important days in your life: they day you are born and the day you discover why you were born." April 2, 2013 was the day I discovered why. Not only was I able to help with trauma calls and experience what it would be like to work at a busy ambulance service, but I figured out how that particular service ran. The people there were all really nice and although a few were from the reservation, most of them said they commuted from several hours away, just like I had done that morning. They told me that they work a 40 hour shift and then go home for 5 days before coming back again. This was it!! This was how I could work as a paramedic even though our town didn't employ them! Not only that, but it was on that day I decided that I had so much fun, God must have put me on this earth to be a paramedic. It was like my professional life was finally going to make sense. I finally discovered why I was given this adrenaline junkie and impatient personality and I made up my mind that day that I would take what God had given me and use it to help other people-and if that meant spending money on school, studying, changing careers, and being even poorer than I was used to being for a couple years so be it. It was my calling. And the funny part is when I called my husband on my way home to tell him this, he already knew. Somehow he knew what had happened to me that spring day on the reservation, and he totally understood what I needed to do next.
Learning and Loving
December 2012 marked the beginning of a new chapter for me. I remember that day like it was yesterday. I had arranged to carpool to this tiny town (population about 400) about an hour away for EMT class. My family's van was on its last leg and my husband and I had been shopping for a "new" one. I put the word new in quotes because we don't actually buy new vehicles. Again, you're still getting to know me and you don't yet know that my husband and I are what you might call frugal. Anyway, as we were in the car dealership signing the paperwork for our new to us van, it began to snow....hard. For a moment I thought maybe we wouldn't have our first night of class and then I thought "no, if I'm going to survive as an EMT I'm going to have to be tough. I can't let a little snow get in my way." I've never been one to care about a little rain or snow anyway. In fact I often think that people who do must not have grown up around here (even though I know they did.) I'll admit right now and you'll find out as you read, I am NOT a patient person. If I need or want something on the day of a blizzard or a thunderstorm, I go get it anyway. And honestly, part of me really enjoys going out when other people are hunkered down in their houses with a cup of coffee and a radio waiting out the storm. But it makes sense- that's why I enjoy the line of work I got myself into. That is pretty much what we do.
I remember going home and eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, finding my snow boots and taking off toward the fire station to meet my carpool mates who were both volunteer firefighters. I knew one of them and had never met the other so of course I was a little nervous. Don't get me wrong-I'm an extrovert- I love meeting new people. I was nervous because one just never knows-especially as a woman- how you'll be received in this line of work. All of these thoughts go through your head and before you've even met the people sometimes you've made up your mind of what they think of you. I know-its not fair to people when I do that. I really need to work on that.
After driving through blizzard conditions to get to our destination, we found a small room with folding tables and chairs with a teacher and ten students. Ten-remember that number, it'll come up later. The instructor introduced himself as a firefighter paramedic. Teaching is what he did in his off time. As he told the class about how he became a paramedic after being an EMT for a few years I got way more excited than someone who had just driven through a blizzard for a night class should have. I knew then and there that I wanted to be a paramedic. I even raised my hand and asked about it. Then reality hit me. The town I lived in didn't even employ paramedics. Our ambulance service only had and only wanted EMTs. So, I forgot about becoming a paramedic and listened to the lecture. The first lecture of many, many more to come.
I remember going home and eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, finding my snow boots and taking off toward the fire station to meet my carpool mates who were both volunteer firefighters. I knew one of them and had never met the other so of course I was a little nervous. Don't get me wrong-I'm an extrovert- I love meeting new people. I was nervous because one just never knows-especially as a woman- how you'll be received in this line of work. All of these thoughts go through your head and before you've even met the people sometimes you've made up your mind of what they think of you. I know-its not fair to people when I do that. I really need to work on that.
After driving through blizzard conditions to get to our destination, we found a small room with folding tables and chairs with a teacher and ten students. Ten-remember that number, it'll come up later. The instructor introduced himself as a firefighter paramedic. Teaching is what he did in his off time. As he told the class about how he became a paramedic after being an EMT for a few years I got way more excited than someone who had just driven through a blizzard for a night class should have. I knew then and there that I wanted to be a paramedic. I even raised my hand and asked about it. Then reality hit me. The town I lived in didn't even employ paramedics. Our ambulance service only had and only wanted EMTs. So, I forgot about becoming a paramedic and listened to the lecture. The first lecture of many, many more to come.
Friday, April 17, 2015
Country roots to fire boots
As I said in my last post, I grew up in the country. You might wonder why that is such a big deal, and I guess its really not. I like to think, however; that my country roots had a little something to do with my being able to work in the fire service. I'm not saying that if you grew up in the city, you can't work for the fire service, just that I feel as if my life has come full circle in a sense.
So, let me tell you how I got here and how it is that my life has turned out so different from my teenage dreams. First of all, I fell in love with a small town boy. He grew up on a hobby farm not quite as far in the middle of nowhere as I did, but in the country nonetheless. As most of us know, love can do some crazy things to people. Finding my husband not only made it so I didn't move to that big city I had dreamed of as a teenager, but put me in a situation where I was able to follow a dream that I never thought in a million years would come true.
Since you're still getting to know me, you don't know yet that I am a bit of an adrenaline junkie. My favorite pass time is snow skiing. I have always loved to do things that other people thought were "crazy" or "scary". I can remember as a teenager saying "being an EMT would be the coolest job ever!!!" But, growing up where I did, EMT was a second job. People who were EMTs were also farmers, ranchers, teachers, etc. EMTs wore a radio on their belt and went on about 10 calls a year. I always looked up to those people and thought "maybe someday I'll do that". Well, years went on and things happened and before I knew it I had 3 kids and had been working for a phone company for 8 years. Eight years!! I liked my job, but I always felt like something was missing professionally. I love my husband and kids and I always felt my family life was greater than anyone could ever dream- and I'll write more about that later-but I always felt professionally I wasn't living up to my full potential. I felt I could learn more, do more, and help more.
Fast forward to a day when I heard the small town my husband grew up in (and where he and I were living with our 3 kids) was looking for EMTs. I was so excited. I have always had an interest in the medical field and even registered once for nursing school, but circumstances at the time had prevented me from going through with it. Anyway, I was so pumped to start learning. Little did I know that a small EMT class in a tiny town's fire hall would completely change my life.
So, let me tell you how I got here and how it is that my life has turned out so different from my teenage dreams. First of all, I fell in love with a small town boy. He grew up on a hobby farm not quite as far in the middle of nowhere as I did, but in the country nonetheless. As most of us know, love can do some crazy things to people. Finding my husband not only made it so I didn't move to that big city I had dreamed of as a teenager, but put me in a situation where I was able to follow a dream that I never thought in a million years would come true.
Since you're still getting to know me, you don't know yet that I am a bit of an adrenaline junkie. My favorite pass time is snow skiing. I have always loved to do things that other people thought were "crazy" or "scary". I can remember as a teenager saying "being an EMT would be the coolest job ever!!!" But, growing up where I did, EMT was a second job. People who were EMTs were also farmers, ranchers, teachers, etc. EMTs wore a radio on their belt and went on about 10 calls a year. I always looked up to those people and thought "maybe someday I'll do that". Well, years went on and things happened and before I knew it I had 3 kids and had been working for a phone company for 8 years. Eight years!! I liked my job, but I always felt like something was missing professionally. I love my husband and kids and I always felt my family life was greater than anyone could ever dream- and I'll write more about that later-but I always felt professionally I wasn't living up to my full potential. I felt I could learn more, do more, and help more.
Fast forward to a day when I heard the small town my husband grew up in (and where he and I were living with our 3 kids) was looking for EMTs. I was so excited. I have always had an interest in the medical field and even registered once for nursing school, but circumstances at the time had prevented me from going through with it. Anyway, I was so pumped to start learning. Little did I know that a small EMT class in a tiny town's fire hall would completely change my life.
New (kid) in town
The title might make a person think I am young, but I'm really not that young. I use the term "kid" loosely. I am 33 years old. No, I am not old, but I have lived some life. I have 3 girls ages 10, 7, and 4. I have been married for 14 years coming up this June (can't believe it!!). The reason I am the new kid in town is I just started working for the fire service as a paramedic firefighter. Did I mention I just graduated paramedic school less than a year ago? What can I say, I'm a late bloomer. Anyway, last August I began my career with a small midwest town fire service. I am actually the first female to be hired full time there, and this blog will follow the ups, downs, adventures and craziness of my new career.
Let me start from the beginning, I grew up in an area that the word rural doesn't even begin to describe. Some people may call it desolate, or even God forsaken, but for me it was home. My family lived 30 minutes from the nearest grocery store and no, that wasn't because we had to wait in traffic to get there, it was because it actually took that long to drive there on a clear day with no ice or snow on the roads. We raised beef cattle and farmed hay and wheat. As a teenager I couldn't wait to get away from that place. I always wondered what other girls my age were doing while I was feeding bottle calves or helping brand. Don't get me wrong, we had TV just like everyone else in America-3 whole channels in fact. (Well, again pending that clear day with no wind, ice, or snow!) I always thought I would marry a rich business man and move to a big city. I would have a couple of kids and go out for dinner every night at some fancy restaurant with white linen tablecloths (I had never eaten at such a place, but had seen them on one of my 3 channels of TV). I would get dressed up for my husband after a day of taking care of our children and hitting the gym. I would own designer bags and shoes. I would only go back to the desolate country when Christmas came, and they would all think I was so "citified" and I would like it.
Ok, out of my teenage fantasy now. To make a long story, well...a little less long, my life didn't turn out that way. It didn't turn out even close to that-and I couldn't be happier that it didn't.
Let me start from the beginning, I grew up in an area that the word rural doesn't even begin to describe. Some people may call it desolate, or even God forsaken, but for me it was home. My family lived 30 minutes from the nearest grocery store and no, that wasn't because we had to wait in traffic to get there, it was because it actually took that long to drive there on a clear day with no ice or snow on the roads. We raised beef cattle and farmed hay and wheat. As a teenager I couldn't wait to get away from that place. I always wondered what other girls my age were doing while I was feeding bottle calves or helping brand. Don't get me wrong, we had TV just like everyone else in America-3 whole channels in fact. (Well, again pending that clear day with no wind, ice, or snow!) I always thought I would marry a rich business man and move to a big city. I would have a couple of kids and go out for dinner every night at some fancy restaurant with white linen tablecloths (I had never eaten at such a place, but had seen them on one of my 3 channels of TV). I would get dressed up for my husband after a day of taking care of our children and hitting the gym. I would own designer bags and shoes. I would only go back to the desolate country when Christmas came, and they would all think I was so "citified" and I would like it.
Ok, out of my teenage fantasy now. To make a long story, well...a little less long, my life didn't turn out that way. It didn't turn out even close to that-and I couldn't be happier that it didn't.
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